fortress around my heart that took years to build"
Just today a friend posted this comment on FB. " when the Pride Falls so does the tears/ a fortress around my heart that took years to build"
Wekesa Responded:
"The Pride" is often a combo-disguise, a cover for "the fear, and sadness." Notice the words "a fortress..." We only need fortress to protect. Often fear of what others will think, say, etc. about you. Sadness that you have not lived up to some expectation or standard that you or those you care about held. Of course, the poetic imagery says it better.
The only problem is that when we tell ourselves that we are "too prideful" or say that others have too much "pride," we often don't see the scare; instead, we see their "power" substitution or cover, and call them "arrogant or stubborn."
Unfortunately, such analysis offers little help, and actually contributes to the problem of "frontin'" or inauthenticity with self and others.
Most often it's easier for us to put ourselves or others down than it is to offer reassurance, protection and support. Easier- because abuse and "frontin'" is what we're used to - it's the American / European way.
Easier also because to offer reassurance, protection, and support to ourselves and others, we have to face the loss or losses, and wade through our tears of sadness.
We'll have to wade in that salty water eventually anyway, so why prolong the inevitable?
Next time you hear or read "Pride" ask yourself "might there be any scare or sadness lurking there?" If so, handling it might save some years and lost friendships.
This analysis comes from Warriors, Healers, Builders. Learn more in Wash, DC on June 7, 8, 9th. One more thing, understanding how to decode the "pride" front is critical for successfully educating your middle and high-school students. Learn more @ AYA's Black and Powerful Phone and Web Conference Sunday @ 7PM. Learn more.
Just today a friend posted this comment on FB. " when the Pride Falls so does the tears/ a fortress around my heart that took years to build"
Wekesa Responded:
"The Pride" is often a combo-disguise, a cover for "the fear, and sadness." Notice the words "a fortress..." We only need fortress to protect. Often fear of what others will think, say, etc. about you. Sadness that you have not lived up to some expectation or standard that you or those you care about held. Of course, the poetic imagery says it better.
The only problem is that when we tell ourselves that we are "too prideful" or say that others have too much "pride," we often don't see the scare; instead, we see their "power" substitution or cover, and call them "arrogant or stubborn."
Unfortunately, such analysis offers little help, and actually contributes to the problem of "frontin'" or inauthenticity with self and others.
Most often it's easier for us to put ourselves or others down than it is to offer reassurance, protection and support. Easier- because abuse and "frontin'" is what we're used to - it's the American / European way.Easier also because to offer reassurance, protection, and support to ourselves and others, we have to face the loss or losses, and wade through our tears of sadness.
We'll have to wade in that salty water eventually anyway, so why prolong the inevitable?
Next time you hear or read "Pride" ask yourself "might there be any scare or sadness lurking there?" If so, handling it might save some years and lost friendships.
This analysis comes from Warriors, Healers, Builders. Learn more in Wash, DC on June 7, 8, 9th. One more thing, understanding how to decode the "pride" front is critical for successfully educating your middle and high-school students. Learn more @ AYA's Black and Powerful Phone and Web Conference Sunday @ 7PM. Learn more.
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